You can't handle the truth

So I have a lot of things planned for the next few weeks- creatively speaking. Some will alter a lot of how I have been doing things, and some will alter life as we know it. I feel badly, as some of the things may affect friendships, but I don't like to be put in a position where one friend may dictate who I may be friends with for whatever reason, or give me crap because of another friendship. You don't have a right to judge, but if you decide to bring your judging eyes gazing my way, expect to have a mirror flashed before your eyes. It is how it will be, and I am not taking t any more. I don't like it, but it has been unleashed and will slowly gain momentum. I haven't smoked in nine days and I think that has something to do with it. I used it as a crutch, asa tool to inflict some suppressing self loathing, slow self mutilating angst against myself in order to keep most of this in, but I haven't craved a cigarette, merely craved the ability to unleashed what I've been penting up for so long. I love you but don't fuck with me. I now beleive I have the right to be happy, and I know I can be. Although I still fear some of the risks, I will start slowly stepping toward the edge of that cliff, it's time to jump. There is only now, if there is anything